Tales from Taiwan

When you live the dirt bike lifestyle, you’re likely curious to see how other reprobates around the world do things in their backyard.

Tamas is an American robotics software engineer who has lived abroad for many years, currently in Taiwan. Tamas is about to introduce you to the wild group of Taiwanese locals that he rides with. Their passion, enthusiasm and sense of FUN for off-road motorcycles is remarkably similar to the glorious Golden Age of dirtbikes we enjoyed in North America during the 1970s. Pure, unadulterated joy.

I ACCIDENTALLY REGISTERED FOR A DRINKING & DRIVING COMPETITION

I don’t mix booze and bikes. It’s one of the few hard rules I follow in life. And while I do know a few people who like to bring a beer or two out while riding off-road, I’ve never seen them drink a lot and they’re often the sorts of people who will finish the day off with a barbecue.

Many of my friends intended to skip the event since the difficulty level was described as, “so easy it can be completed with a shopping cart”. Not many details were provided in the invitation beyond a number of bizarre rules and the name: 酒機掰 which roughly translates to something like “Breaking Alcohol Machines”. That didn’t make any sense to me at the time. Worst case it might be just a barbecue with some cone challenges in a field or something. Consumed by curiosity, I signed up.

People became more interested once word got out that the organizers were cutting new trail through a section of the mountain that had been rendered unrideable with the summer’s tall grass. Events like this are one of the few ways the trails around here see any kind of maintenance or improvement.

“in the old days we didn’t need energy drinks, we just had a beer”

The event was conceived as a playful day out for the local bike shops and a few friends to build relationships and to build community between the different off-road groups in the area. Most of the off-road shops in this part of Taiwan organize their own riding groups and recruit new members when they sell a bike or when a newbie comes in for maintenance. But over time these groups have grown and grown apart. Someone suggested they should bring some beer, they made a joke out of it (something about how “in the old days we didn’t need energy drinks, we just had a beer”) and ran with it.

This event was supposed to be fifteen maybe twenty people, tops. And then 120 people signed up…

It was clear from the start that there would be surprises.

The organizer, nicknamed “Black Tire,” delivered his opening remarks through a volley of water balloons. As we moved our bikes to the starting line I saw someone hanging lingerie under a tent. All of the grinning volunteers were wearing shirts that read: “No alcohol, no power”.

The competition was in the format of a small race. It began with a mass start, like an old desert race.

The afternoon heat here can be deadly, so the competition took place first thing in the morning. Without enough time for a proper breakfast, I smashed a fistful of rice into my face on the way to the starting line and hoped for the best.

It was emphasised that any attempt to block or interfere with your opponents was allowed. So when the green flag dropped, people immediately tackled the fastest riders in the group.

There were three checkpoints along the route. Two “sparkling wheat beverage” checkpoints and one “distilled” checkpoint. Each drink taken gains the rider one point, with a max of 3 drinks per beer station and 1 drink per spirit station on each lap. Whoever has the most points at the end of the hour-long event wins.

To keep everyone riding at a safe speed, each lap included a limbo section. Followed by a “limited visibility” section…

The second beer station required everyone to navigate one of the local hill climbs before grabbing a drink (while being sprayed with a hose and pelted with water balloons).

I managed seventeen drinks before the end of the race, but wasn’t even close to 3rd place! Clearly I was riding too slow to be a competitive drinker.

By the end people were sleeping in the bushes and having trouble staying on their bikes. I nearly fell while parking my bike after the race. Several people finished on a different bike than they started with.

Unbelievably, there was more competition and even more sparkling wheat beverage to come…

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